Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
