Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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