I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
