shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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