This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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