I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
