moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
