i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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