I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
