Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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