Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Randomize
