I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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