So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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