It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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