I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
