who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
This is the high leading the old right now
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
