my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
