Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
