Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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