I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
