god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He is an equal opportunity slut.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
