bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
