I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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