I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Less talking, more tequila
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
