Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
