I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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