dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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