I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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