My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
