shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
