I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
