just come out here and I will go home with you...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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