Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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