just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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