I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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