it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
