i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
