First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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