Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
