Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
