Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
