sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
