I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
