I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
