The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
