wake up i wanna do it froggy style
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
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