i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
