Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
