I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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