Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
