Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
