just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
