dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
